reflected

I was reflecting on my past this morning while i was waiting at the bus terminal.

And i thought about some of my seniors. Those that i hated like cockroaches.

I dont wanna say names. but i'll never forget what they said to me. stupid racist people.

Just because i am, and still the only cheena in the part c05/d06. They were racist. They showed favouritism.

And now, my fucking teachers show all these crap too. Due to the fact that there's only 2 cheena girls that take literature, which is me and sharlene, we always feel as if we are segregated from them. Not saying that we're anti-social.

And if we mix with the guys. SOME will say we're trying to flirt. And for sharlene, it's even worst. Some called her cheap.

We're in a co-ed school. With different races of people in it.

But still, i sense the bias-ness.

I don't wanna go into politics. I'll go crazy. Just like fizah.

Im going through tonnes of problems and troubles in school. Especially 'stress'. I'm not the only one. But i am the only one in some ways.

I always wish that someone is there. But hell no. Just as i wish to tell my parents or even friends. It's hard to commuciate with my parents about this stuffs. Because i sensed a barrier in between us whenever we come to this topic. And for friends, I have some darn wonderful ones that will go broadcasting, adding some sugar and spice. It's like a plain water when you give to them, but when it comes back. it's black.

I have so many wonderful friends. I know.

But get this in your head.

None appreciates. I've realised.

And also. An introvert and an extrovert should never be friends.

Just like me and her.

I still can't believe the fact that i am an INtrovert.

Shit, I m suicidal again.

Stupid fucked up life.

But then again, there's hope. my super small glimpse of hope.

[a stone had been dropped into an abyss and i waited for its interminable fall. im that stone. and the only hope i clung on to, is to NEVER EVER reach the bottom.]


i am here regardless if you need me or not.
im still here. (: