I was reflecting on my past this morning while i was waiting at the bus terminal.
And i thought about some of my seniors. Those that i hated like cockroaches.
I dont wanna say names. but i'll never forget what they said to me. stupid racist people.
Just because i am, and still the only cheena in the part c05/d06. They were racist. They showed favouritism.
And now, my fucking teachers show all these crap too. Due to the fact that there's only 2 cheena girls that take literature, which is me and sharlene, we always feel as if we are segregated from them. Not saying that we're anti-social.
And if we mix with the guys. SOME will say we're trying to flirt. And for sharlene, it's even worst. Some called her cheap.
We're in a co-ed school. With different races of people in it.
But still, i sense the bias-ness.
I don't wanna go into politics. I'll go crazy. Just like fizah.
Im going through tonnes of problems and troubles in school. Especially 'stress'. I'm not the only one. But i am the only one in some ways.
I always wish that someone is there. But hell no. Just as i wish to tell my parents or even friends. It's hard to commuciate with my parents about this stuffs. Because i sensed a barrier in between us whenever we come to this topic. And for friends, I have some darn wonderful ones that will go broadcasting, adding some sugar and spice. It's like a plain water when you give to them, but when it comes back. it's black.
I have so many wonderful friends. I know.
But get this in your head.
None appreciates. I've realised.
And also. An introvert and an extrovert should never be friends.
Just like me and her.
I still can't believe the fact that i am an INtrovert.
Shit, I m suicidal again.
Stupid fucked up life.
But then again, there's hope. my super small glimpse of hope.
[a stone had been dropped into an abyss and i waited for its interminable fall. im that stone. and the only hope i clung on to, is to NEVER EVER reach the bottom.]
i am here regardless if you need me or not.
im still here. (:
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